Openings

Sh'Montae's Pawn Shop
Grand opening!

"The pawn shop for yesterday, today. And quite possibly, tomorrow."


We buy:

* Gum wrapper art
* Autographed neck fat
* Vintage sideburns
* Aunts/uncles under 5-11
* Pinkies
* Grapefruit earmuffs
* Used envelopes
* Dr. Lettuce Halloween costumes


Sh'Montae's - 810 Lump Street, South Plumptin

House for sale

1 BR
0 BATH
3 RUBBER RACCOON MASK
1/2 DOOR

* Holes to be filled March, 2010
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV show We're Bathing in Noodles!


Open house: Saturday, November 14 from 1:30 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
255 O'Daydent Crossing, Kaynesport

For sale

Magazines


Jorge (September, 2004; January, 2005)
Crouching & Spitting (June, 1991)
Eyelash Trader (July, 2000; November, 2000)
Chubby Samantha (January 1980)
Elbow Fancy (May, 1995; June 1995)


$5 each
Jill 555-9772

Pet personal ad

SWBD, age 6. Looking for a nice, young canine to help me bark at the shadows in the garage. If you've got things crawling around on your back, that's a plus.

* Breath must smell like rotten earthworms or worse *


Mort box 76991

For sale

Basketball




- Used in the filming of the 2002 science fiction thriller The Point Guard With Three Mouths Ate the Referees! starring J.J. Nettles
- Lawnmower bag free with purchase (includes big toe fragments, grass & mouse tail pieces)


$13
Ike 555-8080

Services

Lindo, Trottinger & Delwood
Attorneys-at-law

"Maybe 'it' isn't what it is until you say so. But maybe not."


* Resisting Celestes
* Pine cone neglect
* P.U.I. (pinching under the influence)
* Embezzling fudge
* Cheetah ear possession with intent to distribute
* Pistachio profiling
* Misappropriation of Ernies


Call for hourly rates
555-6883

Dog for hire

Mitch




Available for:

* Sneeze critique
* Poo bargaining
* Seminar: How to maximize your time under the couch


$20/hour
555-4571

Meetings

Friends of Barry Neemitz
November meeting


Items to discuss:

* Barry's surgery aftermath: auctioning off the old thumbs for charity
* Who is available to drive Barry's grandfather, Calvin, to his Too Many Calvins meeting November 8?
* For our field trip to Barry's mailbox, still need deposits from: K'eondrae, Vanessa and Paul



November 7, 3:00 p.m. at the Corcoran Baptist Church

For sale

VHS


Almost Hairless
Sneezing on Ron Stanichek
Snowman, Interrupted


Children's movies

Cholly Booger Boy-Escape from the Dishwasher
Lice Story
Waiter, There's an Ear in my Soup!



$4 each
Thomas 555-1308

Announcements

Now THAT'S art, or is it?, in conjuction with The Bobby Classifieds, presents the first annual Art Contest and Arm Pit Identification Spectacular! Each month, you decide which work of art is the best.

Finalists will be announced at ACAPIS, April 1, 2010.


November entries:




"Celery Sock"
by Valerie Timmons, Kaynesport




"Self Portrait"
by Robert Feathers, Noodletown



* Vote for your favorite on the front-page poll
* To enter, email oscarrainbow@gmail.com


October winner - "Glue Stick and Moldy Bagel", by Kristin Fecker